A cheerfully honest look at modern life, and how we can outsmart some of its less helpful habits.

If I were asked to design a lifestyle that gradually increased a person’s risk of dementia, I would borrow rather heavily from modern life. Sit more. Move less. Eat poorly. Sleep badly. Worry constantly. Lose touch with people. Ignore your health until something stops working. An outstandingly efficient system, really.

As a health coach specialising in exercise and nutrition, I see how easily these patterns can become normal. The encouraging news is that many recognised dementia risk factors are modifiable. We are not powerless. We have simply become very good at arranging our lives around chairs, screens and convenience.

So, with tongue firmly in cheek, here is a 12-step guide to increasing your risk of dementia, followed by the considerably better option available at every step.

Step one: stop moving

Sit for eight hours, drive whenever possible and avoid lifting anything heavier than a coffee cup.

Alternatively, rebel quietly. Walk regularly, break up long periods of sitting and include strength training twice a week. The human body was built to move, despite what the modern office suggests.

Step two: choose food for its shelf life, not your health

Base your diet on heavily processed convenience foods, preferably those capable of surviving several minor geological eras.

Or choose more vegetables, fruit, legumes, whole grains, nuts, seeds and healthy fats. These foods provide the fibre and nutrients that support cardiovascular, metabolic and brain health.

Step three: let your blood pressure and blood sugar do as they please

They are only numbers, after all. What could possibly go wrong?

Unfortunately, high blood pressure and poorly controlled blood sugar are associated with a greater risk of cognitive decline and dementia. Regular movement, a fibre-rich diet, appropriate healthcare and routine monitoring can help keep both within healthier ranges.

Step four: treat sleep as an optional extra

Scroll late, wake early and spend the following day wondering why everything feels slightly more difficult than it should.

A more brain-friendly approach is to protect seven to nine hours for sleep and maintain a reasonably consistent routine. Sleep supports memory, learning and the brain’s essential maintenance processes. It is not wasted time, however convincingly your phone argues otherwise.

Step five: gradually shrink your social world

Replace conversations with scrolling and shared meals with snacks eaten alone over the kitchen sink.

Or make connection part of your health routine. Walk with someone. Share a meal. Join a group. Call a friend. Laugh loudly and without apology. Social connection gives the brain stimulation, support and a sense of belonging.

Step six: remain permanently stressed

Keep your mind on high alert at all times, including during meals, weekends and supposedly relaxing holidays.

Chronic stress can affect sleep, mood and cognitive health. Regular movement, time outdoors, social support and deliberate periods of rest can all help. Rest is not something you earn after completing every task. That day is never coming.

Step seven: stop learning once formal education ends

You have already learnt enough. Surely nothing important has happened since your final exam.

In reality, curiosity keeps the brain active. Reading, learning a language, playing music, solving problems and developing new skills can help build cognitive reserve. The activity does not need to be impressive. It simply needs to challenge you.

Step eight: ignore changes in your hearing

Nod confidently, laugh when everyone else laughs and hope nobody has asked you a direct question.

Untreated hearing loss can increase cognitive effort and make social withdrawal more likely. Having your hearing assessed and using appropriate support can help you remain connected and engaged with the world around you.

Step nine: regard oral hygiene as a minor administrative detail

Brush occasionally, avoid the dentist and assume your gums will sort themselves out.

Poor oral health and gum disease are associated with inflammation and wider health problems. Brush twice daily, clean between your teeth and attend regular dental checks. It is not glamorous, but neither are most genuinely useful health habits.

Step ten: drink heavily and often

Treat alcohol as the appropriate response to celebration, stress, boredom, socialising and the fact that it is Thursday.

Alcohol can damage the brain, and heavier consumption is associated with an increased risk of cognitive impairment and dementia. Drinking less, or not drinking at all, is the lower-risk choice.

Step eleven: dismiss persistent low mood

Tell yourself to get over it and avoid mentioning it to anyone. An excellent strategy, provided your goal is to remain unsupported.

Depression is not a personal failing, nor is it something that should simply be normalised or ignored. Movement, nutritious food, social connection and restorative sleep may help, but persistent symptoms deserve professional support.

Step twelve: blame genetics and give up

This is perhaps the most discouraging step of all. Genetics can influence dementia risk, but they do not determine the outcome for most people. Age, health, environment and lifestyle all play a part.

You cannot choose your genes, but you can influence many of the conditions in which they operate. That is not a guarantee, but it is a meaningful opportunity.

Here is the genuinely upbeat part: you do not need to optimise every aspect of your life. You do not need a flawless diet, a perfect sleep score or a colour-coded wellness routine beginning at 5.00 am.

You need to build small, realistic habits that support movement, nourishment, sleep, health and connection. Have your blood pressure checked. Go for a walk. Add vegetables to dinner. Call someone. Book the hearing test. Go to bed instead of watching one more episode.

Dementia risk reduction is not about fear, blame or perfection. It is about understanding which factors you can influence and making choices that support your health over time.

The path towards better brain health is reassuringly ordinary. No miracle products. No heroic transformation. Just sensible habits, practised consistently, in a world that often encourages precisely the opposite.